Episode 22: Libido, The Ick & The Sexual Scripts We Never...

In this episode Kate Thomas sits down with Georgina Whelan, sex therapist and founder of Sexual Psychology, to cover:

• What libido actually is and why it is about far more than hormones alone
• Sexual desire discrepancy and why so many couples are mismatched without realising it
• Low libido, painful sex and the ick in long-term relationships
• Resentment and selfishness in bed and what they actually signal
• The sexual scripts men and women grow up with and how they shape desire
• How patriarchal expectations around sex and performance can harm men too
• The desire and arousal scale that explains mismatched couples
• Why your sex life is probably far more normal than you think

Libido is one of the most discussed and least understood aspects of human health, and Episode 22 opens with Georgina Whelan offering a genuinely clarifying answer to the question of what it actually is. Libido is not a fixed setting, not a reliable measure of attraction, and not simply a hormonal state. It is a complex interaction between biology, psychology, relationship dynamics, stress, identity and context. For women navigating perimenopause and menopause, understanding this complexity is essential because hormonal changes are only one part of a much bigger picture. 

Georgina Whelan's path to sex therapy began in mental health nursing, and Episode 22 opens with her sharing how that journey unfolded. The connection between mental health and sexual wellbeing is closer than most clinical frameworks acknowledge, and Georgina's background gives her a genuinely integrated perspective on desire, intimacy and the psychological dimensions of sexual health. Her warmth, clinical precision and complete absence of judgment make this one of the most accessible and reassuring conversations on sex and relationships you will find anywhere. 

One of the most common and least talked about experiences in long-term relationships is sexual desire discrepancy, the situation where one partner wants sex more or less frequently than the other. In Episode 22, Georgina explains why this is extraordinarily common, why it does not mean the relationship is failing, and why so many couples are mismatched on the desire and arousal scale without either person fully understanding what is happening. For women in perimenopause and menopause, hormonal changes can shift where someone sits on that scale, and understanding this can transform a source of shame and conflict into something workable. 

Episode 22 addresses three of the most common sexual concerns that bring people to therapy: low libido, painful sex and the ick. Georgina covers each with clinical clarity and genuine compassion, explaining what drives them, how they interact with relationship dynamics, and what actually helps. Low libido in the context of perimenopause and menopause often has both hormonal and psychological components, and treating only one without addressing the other rarely produces lasting change. A telehealth pharmacist consultation with Kate can help you understand the hormonal side of the picture, while Georgina's work addresses the psychological dimensions. 

One of the most thought-provoking threads in Episode 22 is the examination of sexual scripts, the unspoken rules about how men and women are supposed to want, initiate and experience sex. These scripts are absorbed long before anyone has their first sexual experience, and they shape desire, performance anxiety and relationship dynamics in ways most people never consciously examine. Georgina and Kate also discuss how patriarchal expectations around sex and performance cause genuine harm to men, a perspective that tends to get lost in conversations that frame sexual inequality as purely a women's issue. 

Episode 22 closes Part 1 with something genuinely reassuring: the reminder that most people quietly assume their sex life is uniquely broken, when in reality the struggles they are experiencing are almost universally shared. Low desire, mismatched libido, periods of disconnection, the ick, resentment that bleeds into the bedroom, none of these are signs of a failed relationship. They are signs of a human one. Part 2 continues the conversation with practical guidance on talking to kids about sex, sex toys, novelty in long-term relationships and the concept of bread and butter sex. 

 Georgina Whelan is a sex therapist and founder of Sexual Psychology. You can find her at sexualpsychology.com.au 

If this episode has raised questions about libido, hormones, painful sex or your perimenopause and menopause treatment options, a telehealth pharmacist consultation with Kate is a great next step. In a dedicated one-on-one session you can go through your symptoms, your current medications and your treatment options in plain language, without rushing. 

Book a consultation with Kate Thomas.

You can view the transcript for this episode below